you wouldn’t have been safe in my arms dear
My precious darling, my “Waterlily.”
Why dearie are you not here now — Old Home Week and all these festivities. I am not enjoying it at all, it makes me crazy.
It is all mockery to me and when I come dearie I hope your folks won’t ask me much about what was going on here for I cannot tell them. — I cannot get interested, enthused or anything. I do nothing but long for you dear. It is a mighty hard job to “brace up” without you being here — right here to help me. I love you dear!!
You were desperate weren’t you when you wrote Sunday’s letter and it made me desperate more than ever.
I don’t know what to do. I have been thinking some of taking Civil Service examinations. If it is pleasant Sunday I think I shall take a walk on Smith’s Hill and see what kind of places there are. Oh dearie, why can’t you come to, I could see twice as much and even then be looking at you all the time. I love you dear I love you dear I love you dear I love you dear. I want you my dear to get so that you can go through “the last” without depending entirely upon me — not that you cannot depend upon me dearie — My God No!! — I will stand by you dear through it all, I will not leave you an instant, I will hold you up, I will cheer you, I will carry you through safely and yes — I will make you. But I want you to feel that way, feel as though it were impossible to fail. I will carry you through dear — you cannot help yourself. When we first talked of having our “wedding” in August, mother said she didn’t want it in August — she doesn’t like that month, any month but that — is her verdict. However you set any day dearie that you want. We will never know how we can get along until we try, and we know that we cannot get along this way much longer. With your teaching and my salary we may get along at light housekeeping. I am willing to try and so are you, — my own precious darling. Oh I want to see you, hold you look at you, talk it all over with you — I can talk so much better. Dearie, for Heavens sakes what did you think of such a stern letter as I wrote yesterday? Or didn’t you call it stern. I guess you will think I am the inconsistent one, the “fickle” one. No dearie, I try to be a wise judge, and make no mistakes especially where you are concerned my “waterlily.” The effort to keep myself calm, steady and in check while I wrote that letter nearly put me out of my head, I wanted to yell, I wanted you. You wouldn’t have been safe in my arms dear. Oh my God my God my God I love you dear. My “waterlily.”
p.s. I cannot bear to think of leading you into any hardships dearie, but we must do something. Light housekeeping is the only way out. I love you. I want you to be my wife. I shall never want anyone else to be my wife. Yes dear I must have you. We will make the try at light housekeeping anything to be together — “a pair of soft arms at the journey’s end” — it is too much for me. Yes dear set the day set the day. Oh I love you I love you I must have you.